30 Days Ago

Before I get started, I should probably explain my Wordless Wednesday post. Yes, that was my foot, no I did not break my foot (although that may be less painful, and more fixable). For two years now I have been dealing with Plantar Fasciitis which has now turned into a bone spur. It is extremely painful and has really limited my walking. I will admit I am not one that likes to go to the doctor, so I did put it off for awhile. Once I finally went, we started the treatment with shots of cortizone in my heel. This was so not fun, and quite painful and in the end did not work. Our next step was to have custom orthotics put in my tennis shoes that were to be worn all the time (I actually can't walk far without my shoes on because the pain is awful). These worked for about 6 months, but again, I put off going to the doctor until about March. This time, I was given a night splint that is made to keep me food in a straight, stretched position while I sleep. We did this for over a month, and again, this didn't help. So, after talking with a few other women that have had or have this foot problem, I decided I was just going to bite the bullett and have the surgery. I went in to see the doctor two weeks ago fully intending to walk out with a surgical appt. Instead, I walked out with this lovely new "shoe." Supposedly, this will keep me from having surgery. I wear this all day long except when I am driving, and the night splint to sleep in. I go back at the end of the month and if my foot is not better, then we are just going to schedule the surgery. I have been wearing the boot now for 2 weeks and I can't really see any progress. I keep hoping it will get better, but I am just not feeling it yet. So, I will keep you posted on my foot issue. If anyone has ever had this, I would love to hear how you treated it.

Now for the real reason for my post.

30 days ago, I was on cloud nine.

After 7 very long months, our dossier was ready to leave for China. When we started this process back in September, our goal was to beDTC in January, February at the latest. But throughout those 7 months, we encountered roadblocks that needed pushed through, hurdles that needed knocked over, and a few mountains that needed climbing. We met each setback with frustration, but determined to get through it.

30 days ago, time stood still with one single phone call

May 3rd. That was the day that changed everything. I got a call from our agency and I could tell right away something wasn't right. I went outside to the front porch to see what was up. I was fully expecting for it to have something to do with our paperwork. Never in a million years could I have been prepared for what was being told to me. Honestly, I don't think anyone could have been prepared. As I was being told the accusations that had been made, my head was spinning and the voice at the other end was starting to sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown.

30 Day ago we were betrayed.

Someone had "anonymously" called our agency earlier that day and had made some pretty strong accusations in regards to us adopting another child. This person made several accusations about us, our family, and our finances in an effort to sabotage our adoption process. Some of the accusations that were made were completely ridiculous, some exaggerated truths, and some were just complete lies. Some of the accusations that were being made were that we couldn't afford another child, we have a diabetic son (Blake) who we don't monitor,Mylee's ortho issues are too much for us to handle and therefore causing us to "neglect" our other kids. Jaxon is unhappy and causing problems. Our house is dirty and we never fix anything. Oh, and our plate is just too full. These are only a few of the accusations, there are more, many more.
As the list was of accusations was growing, it became quite apparent to me who the anonymous person was. There was no doubt in my mind who was doing this and way. This person is very controlling and because they didn't feel we should add another child into our home, they took it upon themselves to make sure that didn't happen. They have verbalized their opinion frequently, and were not happy with our decision to adoptKeliah. These accusations were not made out of concern for our family and definitely not Keliah. They were made with one malicious intent and that was to "control" the situation.

30 Days ago everything was put on hold.

Because of the accusations, everything was put on hold. We were told that until we were able to prove the accusations wrong, we could not proceed. We were already months behind our goal of being DTC by January, so you can only imagine how upsetting this was. Don't get me wrong, we completely understand and agree with our agency in needing to verify everything, but it doesn't mean we have to like it. There main concern was what is best for Keliah, which is exactly what it should be.

I am not one that likes to be told "no." In fact, if someone tells me no, I am going to everything I can to prove to them that I can do it. I am a mom, and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE is going to mess with my kids. Keliah may not physically be here, but she is just as much part of our family and loved just as much as the other kids.

30 Days ago we began to fight for our daughter.

Once we were able to calm down and fully comprehend the severity of everything, we no choice but to fight back. Luckily, our agency was not giving up on us, but instead was working with us to discredit everything that had been said. For the last 30 days we have been running around like crazy people. We have had to get reference letters from friends, family, teachers, neighbors, and doctors. We were asked to provide a recent credit report, current employment letters, and not one, not two, but three years worth of past tax information. We were asked to put into writing a dispute for each and every accusation that was made, which we did, and ended up being 11 pages long. Jaxon was asked to write a letter on his own about how he felt about living in our family. Our homestudy agency was called (they had just been here 2 weeks prior for our 1 yr post placement) and we told them they were more than welcome to come back anytime announced or not. Once our agency had everything they needed (and then some), we had to go back through immigration and wait for their take on all of this. Honestly, I think our agency knows more about our family than any other adoptive family.

30 days ago I was terrified.

I was so scared, mostly of the unknown. I was petrified that His plan was different than mine. We had no idea what was going to happen. All I knew was that from the moment I sawKeliah's picture I knew she was my daughter and I had to fight for her. I saw her pictures a few months before I even mentioned her to Matt. I knew he wasn't going to begung ho about adopting again. I kept telling myself that if she was still available in August, I would approach him about her. August came, she was still available, and by September we were submitting ourLOI.

For the last 30 days I have had this gut wrenching ache in the pit of my stomach. I am not a cryer, but I can assure you , tear, many, many tears have been shed these past few weeks. I just could not imagine having to tell the kids, especially Emma that we were not going to get Keliah. I think that was the hardest part, knowing that the worst case decision was not only going to break my heart, but theirs as well. And then I would start thinking about Keliah and what could happen to her. Would she get a second chance with a family, or would she eventually age out to a life on the streets?


7 days ago we got another call.

23 days had passed since we found out everything was on hold. 23 days of being on what seemed like an endless rollercoaster. After 23 days of ups and downs, and twists and turns, everything came to a screeching halt yet again. However, this phone call was much different than the first. This was the phone call that we had been praying for, the one that would determine our fate as well as Keliah's. After 23 days of complete stress, we were finally being told that the ride was over, and that our placing agency, homestudy agency, and immigration had decided to let us proceed with bringing Keliah home. Basically this means that we were able to discredit each and every accusation that had been made and Keliah will come home. Praise God!

Yesterday

We got an e-mail that we have waited a long time for. After 7 very long months, we were finally...



That's right, as I type this, our dossier is on it's way to China. We are hoping and praying for a speedy LOA and TA that will put us on a plane around September. We are beyond excited to be able to finally take a breath and relax. This has been one heck of a ride, one that was not only new to us, but to our agency as well. I cannot thank them enough for their support and understanding during this last month. I would also like to thank all of you who have kept us in your thought and prayers. I have received e-mails daily from friends, family, and fellow bloggers checking in on us. I have talked with, texted, and really leaned on a few of you, and for that, I truly thank you.

Once again it has been our faith that got us through this, and it will be our faith, that will see us through in bringing our daughter home, where she belongs.

Wordless Wednesday

2 Less, and an Update

My dear friend Connie met her daughters yesterday in China. Connie and I have never met, but I can tell you she is an amazing woman with a huge heart. She was my "go to" girl when we were thinking of bringing Jaxon home since she had recently bought an older boy home. She has been a tremendous inspiration to me and a shoulder when I have needed it. She and her family are proof that with with God, anything is possible.

They began their process to bring Kasidi Joy home last fall shortly before we began ours to Keliah. In fact, her little Kasidi holds a very special place in my heart. A few months into the process, they heard the Lord telling them they had not one daughter in China but two, and stepped out in complete faith to bring home Kennah Janae.

Like many adoptive families, they began their process with little to no money but in 9 months were fully funded to the tune of $47,000, which is the exact amount they needed to bring both Kasidi and Kennah home. That was all Him, only God could pull something this big off. He led them to their daughters and was there beside them every step of the way, and as a result, Connie is sleeping soundly tonight in China with both Kasidi and Kennah beside her.

Please hop over to her blog to see her two beautiful girls God has blessed her with.

As for us and our situation, we still no nothing, but are hoping and praying we know something this week. We continue to pray, and pray, and pray. I still have that aching knot in the pit of my stomach and I am sure it will be there until we know what is going on. We have provided all the information our agency and immigration has asked for. Honestly, I think they know more about our family than any other adoptive family. The amount of information we have had to provide is ridiculous, but we totally understand why it is needed. We have nothing to hide therefore it has not been an issue to release the information.

We are trying to be as optimistic as we can, but it is really hard not to think of the worst case scenario. I simply cannot imagine what will happen to Keliah if we unable to proceed with her adoption. Our family will be crushed, but I am sure with time, we will heal. The moment I first saw her picture I knew instantly she was our daughter. I tried really hard not to think about her because I just was not sure we could take on her special needs (spina bifida), as a matter of fact, before I ever saw her face, I looked over her because the unknowns of spina bifida terrified me. But, there was no getting her beautiful face out of my mind, so I began researching and after weeks of talking to doctors, hours of googling, and many prayers, Matt and I were certain that just like with Mylee, Drew, and Jaxon, everything was going to be fine.

I know without a doubt she is our daughter. Her picture hangs on the wall right next to the other kids. We talk about her everyday and are asked daily how things are going and we will travel. It is not just us that are excited to bring her home, but our friends and family as well. We have spoken to the school and they too are excited to have her join them and have spoken to us at length about integrating her so she is comfortable. We have been making plans for the girls' room and had just told Emma on Easter that she was going with us to China by putting a pink, rhinestone passport cover in her Easter basket.

My heart breaks for Emma. She is a mess knowing that we may not get Keliah and will start crying out of nowhere with questions like, "why would someone try to keep us from getting Keliah? What will happen to her if she doesn't get a family?" As her mom, it is so hard to answer these questions. She has been asking for years if we could get her a sister her age. She doesn't understand, and to be honest, neither do I.

So, I am once again asking for you to keep our family and Keliah in your prayers. We have dealt with many things through our adoptions, climbed many mountains, ripped through walls brick by brick and to be honest, nothing has compared to what we are going through right now. So, please continue to pray and I will update you as soon as we know something.

Nothing New, But We Have a Winner

So, there is nothing new to report. I was hoping to know something by now, but we don't really know anymore than we did two weeks ago when this all began to unfold. We have provided all the information our agency has asked for and they are going through it with a fine tooth comb. I am so frustrated by this whole thing, but completely understand their needing to verify everything.

I am so ready for this to be over. For two weeks now I have had this ball in the pit of my stomach. I go to bed thinking about it and wake up thinking about it. When the agency's number shows up on our caller ID I feel sick not knowing if it is going to be good, bad, or no news. I haven't been able to focus on anything but the "issue."

I know ultimately there is nothing more we can do. It is completely out of our hands, but I just can't help thinking about Keliah and what might happen to her if we cannot bring her home. Even the kids are asking daily if we have heard anything (the older 3). We tried not to say anything to to them, but they knew instantly that something was up. My heart breaks for Emma, she asks the most, and will be heartbroken if the news is not good.

FOr now we are still trying to be optimistic, but I have to be honest, the longer this drags on, the less optimistic I am.

I will continue to update you as we get information. I feel like I have so much to update on just dealing with the kids, Jaxon especially. I promise, I will update as soon as I can, but right now I just can't bring myself to do much more than get through the day.

In other news, we decided to go ahead and hold the drawing for the iPad 2 giveaway. Originally we were going to wait until this mess was over, but since we have no idea how long that will take, we didn't want there to be any questions as to what was going on with the giveaway.

So, without further ado, the winner of the iPad 2, case, and iTunes gift card is...

Jessica K

I will be contacting you via e-mail immediately. Congrats and thank you to all who participated.

It Is What It Is ~ Pressing On

First let me apologize for not posting the winner of the iPad fundraiser. It is coming, I promise. But not until tomorrow. I am really, really sorry for keeping you waiting, but I can assure you it is not without good reason.

In my mind, this post was going to be very different. This was going to be THE post announcing that we were finally DTC. So, to answer the e-mails and texts I have received to day, NO, we are NOT DTC, and we have no idea when we will be.

We have hit a snag like no other.



The roadblocks, the hurdles, and the mountains are no match for what we are up against now. Never in a million years could I have imagined being where we are right now. Never. I wish I could shed some light on the situation, but for now I feel we must keep this to ourselves. I have struggled with whether or not I should even mention it. In the end, I felt like I owe it to you. Many of my followers and readers have been with us since the beginning of our journey to Mylee. You continued to follow and support us through our journey to Drew and Jaxon. And you have been right here with us every step of the way to Keliah. Your prayers and support have helped us over hurdles, through roadblock, and over mountains. So, it is only fair that I be as honest as I can and for now, the only thing I can say is this is a doosey.

I'm not gonna lie, I am terrified. I am heartbroken. I am in complete shock, we all are.

What I am not, is a quitter. I am a fighter, and I am going to fight like you cannot even imagine to bring our girl home.

Our agency is working with us, and are doing everything they can to sort this out. Obviously, their main concern if for Keliah. This is a unique situation and as much as it s#@cks, we completely, 100% understand their concern and will do everything to alleviate that concern.

Believe it or not, we are seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, but it is definitely not over, in fact, I think we have only just begun.

We have already been blessed beyond measure by friends and family who are continuing to support us. They are behind us 110%.

Right now I asking you, begging you to pray for our family. Pray for Keliah. Pray that this is resolved quickly so we can continue to move down that path that He laid out for us. You may not know the specifics of those prayers, but He will, and He will hear them.

It is what it is. Plain and simple. The only thin we can do at this point is to continue to move forward, which is exactly what we are doing. We are moving forward with a fire and passion like no other. We are trusting in the Lord that He is once again testing us, and pray that we will pass. We are giving up all control and laying it in His lap as He is the ultimate decision maker. No one, or no thing is too big for Him. In the end, if it is His will for Keliah to join our family, He will make it happen.

I will do my best to keep you updated, but for now, I may be MIA for the next couple of days while we sort this out. Please e-mail me with any questions. mmyag@comcast.net

Hang in there...

I just wanted to let you know that we are tallying up all the entries and the winner will be chosen and announced tonight! I am so excited to see who the winner is!

Tick Tock

The clock is ticking. Today is THE last day to get in on a chance at winning one of these bad boys...



The all-new thinner and lighter design makes iPad 2 even more comfortable to hold. It's even more powerful with the dual-core A5 chip, yet has the same 10 hours of battery life.1 With two cameras, you can make FaceTime video calls,2 record HD video and put a twist on your snapshots in Photo Booth. And the iPad Smart Cover attaches magnetically and wakes up, stands up and brightens up your iPad 2.3
What's Included

* Apple® iPad™ 2 with Wi-Fi + 3G - 16GB

Product Features

* 9.7" LED-backlit display with IPS technology
* Dual-core A5 chip
* Front and back cameras
* Up to 10 hours of battery life
* Built-in Wi-Fi (802.11a/b/g/n)
* 3G data service with AT&T (data plan sold separately)
* Bluetooth 2.1 + EDR technology
* 16GB flash storage
* Over 65,000 apps made for iPad, available from the App Store

Plus, your choice of one these colors...



And of course one of these...



All you have to do is one of these, or even all of these. The more you do, the more chances you have to win.

1. For every $25.00 donated, you will receive 5 entries!
2. For every $50.00 donated, you will receive 10 entries!
3. Post about the fundraiser on your blog, receive 3 entires!
4. Post about it on facebook, receive 3 entries!
5. Become a follower, receive 3 entries!

This is really a win win situation. Not only do you get a chance at winning the above prizes, but even better, you will walk away knowing that win or lose, you had a hand in uniting a little girl with her forever family.