Frustrations and Doubt and Faith OH MY!

I am SO frustrated today! It seems everything with Keliah's adoption is moving in slow motion. First there was the 3 month wait for Matt's medicals to be released. We were supposed to have our dossier in China by now, February 4th to be exact. Our agency had to ask for an extension.

I was certain once we sent off for our I-800A application things would pick up. In fact, we were able to get our fingerprints done 2 weeks before our actual scheduled appointment. We were fingerprinted on March 7th, and they have received and accepted our fingerprints, but we still don't have approval nor have we been assigned an officer yet.

The really frustrating part is being told that it is taking about 90 days from the time your application was received which would technically put us at around May before we get our approval. Every. Single. Day. I call, and every, single, day, I am told the exact same thing. It's there, but is still waiting in que.

So, you can imagine my anger, frustration, and utter disappointment when I hear of other adoptive families who were fingerprinted AFTER us getting their approvals BEFORE us and even sending their dossiers to China this week. And of course when I tell immigration this, they don't know how that is even possible since everything is done in order of when the applications were received. They assure me that it just isn't possible an the other families must be mistaken. Really? Because I am sure there is no way to be mistaken when you get the final document you need to send your dossier to China. The final document that is keeping you from being able to breath a sigh of relief knowing that you are one step, one huge, ginormous step closer to your child.

If all would have went as planned, we would be waiting on our LOA right now, or may have even had it by now. When we started this process last fall, our goal was to be DTC by January with hopes of traveling in summer. Now, with all the set backs and delays, we will be lucky to go early fall. Do you see why I am so frustrated?

There are days when I feel like kicking and screaming. There are days when I feel like crying. And yes, there are days when I can't help but question this whole darn process. I can't help but wonder if we are indeed on the right path. It's hard not to question when I think of all the roadblocks we have encountered, the hurdles we have jumped, and the brick walls we have run into head on. These have to be tests. Tests of our faith. Tests of our commitment. I sure hope we are passing, because I really don't think I could handle failing Him.

Adopting from China is something I dreamed of doing someday. I had visions of a daughter with eyes the shapes of almonds that disappeared when she smiled. She would have silky, black hair as dark as the night. The first pictures I ever saw of Mylee caught me off guard. Staring back at me from my computer was the almond eyes I dreamed about. I knew instantly she was our daughter. How could she not be, she was the little girl in my dream. On our flight home, I knew in my head our family was complete, but my heart was already telling me something else.

Fast forward to now and we are approaching our 1 year anniversary of bringing Drew and Jaxon home. Never in a million years did I think we would have 6 kids, let alone 7. And adding an older child to our family was NEVER in the picture, until we saw Jaxon's picture. Something in his eyes spoke to me and told me everything would be okay. So we really stepped out in faith on his adoption, and honestly, I wouldn't change anything about it.

I knew we weren't done with them. I felt it deep within my bones we had another daughter waiting for us, and I knew when I saw Keliah's pictures that she was our daughter. I remember sitting with a friend watching videos of Keliah dancing tearing up and telling her "this is our daughter, she is meant for our family." This was before I even approached Matt about the possibility.

I don't feel like I can talk to many people about my frustrations and fears. The only ones who truly get it are those who have or are walking in our shoes. Most of our friends and family think we are crazy. That's okay though, because we know we are. They don't understand why we would put ourselves through this again and again. The roller coaster of emotions. The financial stress it puts on us and our kids. The everyday life of having 6 kids. I don't know how to really answer them other than it is so worth it. The feeling of being handed your child (Mylee) you have dreamed of for years erases all the stress and emotions. The feeling of seeing your son (Drew) run to you saying "mama" as he wraps his arms around you for the first time erases the feelings of doubt. The feelings of seeing your son (Jaxon) petrified of leaving the only life and family he has ever known is worth the unknowns.

Through all of the emotions, the stresses, and the uncertainties, there is one thing that has remained constant. Our faith.

It was our faith that turned our dream into a reality when we brought Mylee home.


It was our faith that led us back to China for a son who is the most loving little boy.


It was our faith that opened our eyes to the possibilities of adopting an older child, one that has blossomed before our eyes.


It is our faith that will see us through in bringing Keliah home. It is He who will be there with us riding the roller coasters, jumping over the hurdles, and knocking down the walls. It is He who will be there when we are united with our daughter.


So, with everything going on I am asking you to please send up a few prayers for us. He will know exactly what you are praying for. He will hear your prayers as He has heard them before.

I am So excited to launch our next fundraiser. I should have it up and running by the end of the week.